If There Be Thorns
by Andrian1
Summary: How does one begin a journey back to a place where only nightmares reside? Hermione Granger returns to the Wizarding World after the war to those she loved and memories she lost.


If There Be Thorns

Chapter 1

Though lovers be lost, love shall not and death shall have no dominion -Dylan Thomas 

Soft gentle snow fell through the darkness, illuminated by the soft street lamps. The only sound in the stillness of the night was the crunch of the snow as she walked with purpose through the cemetery. Her steps halted before the grave she had visited every month for the last year. Bending down, she placed the small bundle of rosebuds at the base of the stone. Lovingly she caressed the marble, her fingers tracing the letters, Henry Granger. "Well, Daddy," she said in a tired and defeated voice. "I don't guess I will see you again anytime soon. I am going to join Mother, to try to start over. You were right all the time. I didn't belong. If only I had listened, maybe you would still be here."

Rising, she sighed. Taking a few steps, she bent and placed a similar bouquet on another grave. The stone was much smaller and hidden from view. A tear slipped down her face as she pulled a ring from her pocket. She had to let go, leave everything behind. Putting the small gold band to her lips, she kissed it gently before placing it on the grave. Once again her fingers traced the letters. Lupin. That was all. No first name, no date of birth or death. It was enough. Quickly she straightened and hurried through the cemetery to the waiting cab.

"Heathrow Airport," she said in a dull voice, shivering in the warmth. It was over.

_Eighteen months later…_

At a small kitchen table a bushy brown haired woman, dressed in a pink terrycloth dressing gown, sat drinking a cup of coffee. "Morning, luv," a thin black-haired man with bright green eyes said as he came into the room.

"Morning," she said never looking up from the paper she was pouring over.

Leaning over her shoulder, he glanced at the paper then gave her a quizzical look.

"London Post?"

"Just checking, habit you know." Putting it down she smiled at him before picking up the Daily Prophet.

"No time for breakfast this morning," he told her, pouring a cup of coffee. "What's on the agenda today?"

"Shopping in London probably, unless something in here proves interesting," she gestured to the employment section of the paper.

"Just say the word. I can always get you reinstated…"

"No." The strong emotion behind the word cut off any further argument.

She turned her attention to him, noting the cowlick that seemed to always be a part of his hairstyle. Standing up she licked her fingers trying to flatten the unruly black hair.

"Give it up, Hermione," Harry said, laughing at her. "It's a lost cause. I need to be Apparating to the office. Sure you wont pop in and say hello to everyone?"

Her scowl answered for her.

"Just a thought. I will see you this evening then? Make yourself at home, everything is pretty much the way it was the last time you here."

Smiling, she kissed him gently. "I appreciate you letting me stay here till I can figure out what I'm going to do."

"Glad to have you, it's been pretty lonely since Sirius had to go back into St. Mungos."

She hugged him tightly, knowing the pain he felt.

"See you tonight," he said, and then Disapparated.

Picking up the paper and her mug she padded into the living room of Harry's flat. Sitting down on the sofa, she mused over the post. Not much caught her eye. She snorted over a particle ad, which stated the need for an employee eager for adventure in the wonderful world of harvesting Flubberworms. _Adventure indeed_. A tapping at the window drew her from her thoughts.

Padding over to the window she opened it and a large eagle owl soared through dropping a letter on the small table and swooping back out. Hermione saw her name in elegant script on the envelope.

Hermione wondered who was writing her, she rarely received owl post except from Harry. Staring at the handwriting she felt her coffee swirl in her stomach. Turning the letter over she saw the familiar seal of Hogwarts. Hands shaking, she sat down staring at the envelope lost in thoughts she did not want to relive.

Breathing deeply, she tore it open and unfolded the parchment.

_Dear Hermione,_

I must tell you how pleased I was to learn that you have returned to London. I hope this finds you well.

_A mutual friend has informed me that you are seeking a job in the Wizarding Community. This news is most fortunate. As you must have heard of Albus Dumbledore's retirement, I will not bore you with the details. However,he position of Transfiguration professor must be filled immediately. I know you are the perfect candidate for this spot and wait to hear from you. _

_With kindest regards,_

_Minerva A. J. McGonagell_

_Headmistress of Hogwarts, Junior Member of the High Wizengamot, Order of Merlin, First Class_

Her vision blurred as she reread the words. Slowly a twisting yellow and black serpent replaced the parchment, opening its mouth as it hissed. The letter slipped from her hand as it shook. Hermione looked at the snake waiting for it to strike, to sink its fangs into her flesh. A soft hoot shook her out of her revelry. Hedwig had flown in and was perched on the arm of the sofa looking at her curiously with big golden eyes.

"Hedwig," Hermione said shakily, reaching out to stroke the soft white feathers. She stroked the bird feeling the sudden flare of fear ease. Hedwig nibbled her finger, gave a soft hoot and flew off into the other room where her perch awaited.

"Being silly, girl," she said ruefully, staring at the letter. Carefully she picked it up and folded it.

Her heart was still pounding when she reached the small bedroom. Picking up her handbag, she rummaged through it until she found what she was looking for. Popping the cap she shook a small white pill into her hand. Placing it on her tongue she swallowed it and breathed a sigh of relief.

Harry uncorked the champagne and poured a glass, handing it to her. "Cheers," he said, his eyes shining as the glasses clink. The club Harry had chosen was a Wizarding place called 'The Muggle'. Hermione was bemused as some of the Witches and Wizards entering were dressed as Muggles in the most inappropriate ways. One very old witch was wearing a pair of camouflaged pants with a bright red silk teddy over top the pants.

"Happy birthday, Harry and many, many more," Hermione replied with a soft smile.

Grinning, Harry took a deep drink of the champagne. He was looking very handsome this evening. Dressed in black trousers, white shirt and a dark green jacket, his unruly hair gave him a carefree, man of the world look.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are tonight?" he teased.

She laughed. "Yes, twice." Hermione wore a stylish black dress, cut low in the back, with thin spaghetti straps. Her hair shone in the candlelight, sleek and controlled with huge amounts of gel. "If you keep paying so much attention to me Harry, that blonde at bar might give up on trying to catch your eye."

Harry looked towards the bar discreetly. The woman in question was staring at him with a hungry look. Snorting, he refilled their glasses.

"Another aggressive woman hoping I will take her home and shag her."

"Harry!" Hermione laughed. "Since when did you become so confident in your poweress as a lady man?"

"I haven't," he said with a wry smile. "But you know how it is. Everyone is trying to avoid the penalties of the Population Law."

"The what?"

He looked at her a moment to see if she were joking. "That's right. You don't know do you?"

"Know what?"

"It was a month after you left when our beloved Minister decided that he would play God and populate the Wizarding community. The war depleted so many families and with the birth rate being so low among wizards, the Wizengamot council went into full panic thinking that there wouldn't be enough wizards and witches to fill the empty spots in the working force in a couple of decades.

"With a decision worthy of Voldemort, the Population Decree was put into force. Basically it penalizes any wizard or witch of childbearing years for remaining single and not contributing to the noble cause. Each year on your birthday you have to pay a fine if you are not married. If you are married and still not fruitful you are put on probation for three years. Afterwards if the healers have deemed you capable of reproducing the fine is once more enacted," he finished dryly.

Hermione's mouth was agape. "They can't…I mean, how could they?"

"They can and they did, believe me," Harry said ruefully. "Cost me a thousand galleons today because I haven't done my _civic_ duty."

"Oh dear lord," Hermione gasped. "Does that mean I have to pay a thousand galleons in September? I don't have that kind of money."

Harry shifted in his seat, an embarrassed look on his face. "No," he said quietly. "The law doesn't apply to Muggleborns. Sorry Hermione."

She laughed nervously. "I'm not sorry. For once I am glad I am an outcast."

"Bloody nonsense," he said angry now. "You are the finest witch in the whole Wizarding community."

"Don't defend me, Harry," she protested. "I don't want them changing their mind." She frowned. "How on earth do the poor pay such exuberant fees?"

Harry blushed. "Er, well it is based on the worth of your genes. Purebloods are penalized more than half bloods with the exception of…well."

"The boy-who-defeated-you-know-who," she finished in understanding. Harry's face grew redder.

"Exactly," he mumbled.

"Harry, you are only twenty. It is ridiculous to think of getting married and starting a family so young."

"I agree. I have plenty of time for marriage, however if I recall, you were ready to get married as soon as you graduated," he said quickly. A look of horror crossed his face as he realized what he had done. "Hermione, forgive me."

Shaking her head, her face pale, Hermione downed her champagne. "It's okay Harry. Can't ignore the past forever."

"Damn. I am sorry…"

"Forget it. We are here to celebrate your birthday. No more serious talk okay?"

"Actually," he said impishly, relaxing once more, "I do believe it is a double celebration."

She tried to hide her smile. "Oh?"

"I heard someone at this table was offered a job at Hogwarts."

"Really?"

"You are going to take it aren't you?"

"And just how did Minerva find out that I was back in England and looking for work in the Wizarding community?" she asked accusingly.

Harry looked away, whistling. Hermione laughed. "I sent Hedwig to her this afternoon, accepting the position. It did seem like the perfect answer."

"That's great Hermione." Harry beamed at her. "You will be a wonderful teacher."

"If I could get you through school, I can teach anyone."

"You have wounded me," Harry said in mock dismay. "And I was going to ask you to dance."

Hermione laughed softly. "I would love to dance, Mr. Potter."

The evening was very pleasant between dancing and light conversation. Harry ordered another bottle of champagne and Hermione had to excuse herself several times.

Returning from the loo, she saw that the blonde had finally gotten Harry's attention and had dragged him out on the dance floor. She watched as the blonde pressed her body close to his. Smiling, Hermione sipped on the champagne and waited.

It became apparent after a half hour the blonde was not going to surrender Harry. Hermione sighed as she got unsteadily to her feet and walked over to the couple. The woman was running her hands over Harry causing him to moan softly as she touched him low. If Harry hadn't told her of the Population Decree, Hermione would have just discreetly left and left him to the blonde.

"Harry," Hermione said grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the woman's arms, "Time to go home."

"'Mione," he slurred, trying to pull her into his arms, "This is…is…whatshername."

The blonde woman frowned. "The name is Michelle and haven't you heard three's a crowd?"

"I agree," Hermione said firmly, "And as I happen to live with him I suggest you just move along."

Michelle shot daggers at Hermione and tossed her long blonde hair. "I think that is up to Harry to decide who he wants to go home with."

Harry nuzzled Hermione's neck. "I love you 'Mione," he sighed.

"Answer your question?" Hermione said snidely. Taking Harry's arm she steered him to the exit.

The cab ride to Harry's flat was thankfully short as Harry sung loudly a chorus of a lewd song. Finally she maneuvered him up the stairs and got him into the door.

"Mione, Mione, Mione," he chanted as she flicked on the lights.

"Time to sleep, Harry," she said guiding him through the room.

"Mione?"

"Yes, Potty?"

"HER-mione," he emphasized.

"Yes?"

"HERMIONE!" he giggled, tripping over her.

Sighing, she helped him straighten up.

"Shh, I do believe I am drunk."

"Figured that out did you?" she said smiling.

He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you 'Mione."

"I love you too, but I think I need to get you to bed."

"Another aggressive woman," he said in mock horror. "Merlin save me."

Leading him into his bedroom, she helped him sit on the bed.

"Lie down," she instructed as he tried to get up again.

He flopped back grinning. "Okay, what are you planning to do with me?"

She pulled his shoes off. "Planning to tell you to go to sleep."

"Aw, that's no fun 'Mione, he said.

"As much fun as you can handle tonight, Potty," she said mischievously.

Going to the head of the bed she reached over and took off his glasses laying them on the nightstand. "Goodnight Harry," she said, bending down to kiss his forehead.

He grabbed her, pulling her in an awkward position of half standing over him.

"Ouch, Harry that hurts…

"Hermione."

"Yes, Harry."

"Hermione, marry me."

"Hmm, weren't you the one telling me that we had plenty of time to consider things like that," she said teasingly.

"Marry me Hermione."

"I refuse to answer on the grounds you are totally drunk and will not remember a word of this conversation in the morning." '_Besides_,' she thought, '_we have been down this road before._'

"I don't want to be alone. I am afraid I will wake up one day and realize I will always be alone."

"You aren't alone, silly goose. Now let me go and get some sleep."

"I wont let you go until you say yes."

Knowing he wouldn't remember any of this in the morning she thought a moment. "Alright Harry, if two years from now we haven't found our soulmates, I will agree to marry you."

Studying her face he smiled. "Okay, it's a deal," he said, releasing her.

"Sweet dreams, Harry," she said gently kissing his forehead once more, before turning off the light and leaving.

Stepping into the shower, Hermione stood beneath the warm spray, allowing it to relax the tight muscles in her shoulders. The tension behind her eyes had worsened as she heard Harry proposing to her, again.

They had tried. For six months after Voldemort's downfall they had lived together, been together in everyway, desperately clinging to each other. It had been good for a while, if anything could be good in the aftermath of what the world that was left behind could be. But they could never truly know if they could be in that kind of relationship with each other with 'him' always shadowing their lives, never knowing if it was because of him they were together or in spite of it. It had been one of the final reasons she had left the Wizarding World and had fled to America.

_Death. The most feared word in any language. A journey into the unknown. Perhaps it is the unknown that causes us the most fear. Others fear the way they will die, the pain, the end of being. Yet there are those that seek death either by choice or by some hidden desire. I am not so different than these. I have seen death, witnessed it, smelled it and have been the cause of it. I have sought it and yearned for it during the darkest nights when my soul was beyond healing, only wanting the agony to cease, only to find that the natural instinct of survival is greater than the heart's pain._

_Death haunts my thoughts and dreams. There is more than one way to die and I have tasted this._

_R.J. Lupin_

AN/ Yes this is the sequel to A Midsummer's Journey, though you might cry 'liar' as the story develops. Without giving the plot away all I can suggest is to read. This story was outlined in 2003 long before the fifth book came out and is very AU. One of the main characters cannot be replaced. Thanks to Leogryffin for beta services


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